The end of Democracy as we know it... LB

Yesterday morning I was a happy girl, until I read this small article…

http://techcrunch.com/2010/09/03/craigslist-censored-adult-section-comes-down/

Peruse at your leisure, but for the sake of time here’s the synopsis. They want to BAN the erotic ads on Craigslist. Now due to a no fault clause I have with Obama... i'mma have to blame all this on the Republicans.

Let me stand on my political soap box for a few minutes and explain to you how why this is not a good idea..

Hungry kids…

Do you know how many children will go hungry because mommy wasn’t able to promote her “services” and in turn put food on the table? Do we really want Sarah McLoughlin to create an even sadder commercial using hungry looking American kids instead of dogs on death row?

More people in the welfare line…

Mom’s who can’t work, go on welfare. Have you ever been to a Super WalMart on the 1st of the month when the welfare checks clear? It’s a nightmare. But I guess since all republicans shop at Trader Joe’s they wouldn’t know anything about that, now would they?

Drop-outs

Without the avenues previously available to advertise, you’re gonna see a huge drop out in the nursing/medical assistant schools. We need nurses, have you ever stayed long term in a hospital. You never see the doctors! They show up, give you bad news, “examine” you in very private places then bounce. It’s the nurses who actually “nurse” you to health. We desperately need skilled nurses and you obviously know women with their talents have great hand and eye coordination and practically no gag reflex, which comes in handy when dealing with patients who smell bad.

Catholic Church

Yes, I will admit, where’s there’s a “sexual entrepreneur” advertising her “services” online, there is a 80% chance that there’s drugs involved somewhere in that equation. Whether she’s on it, her pimps on it or her clients are frequent users you never know. Could be none, one or all of the above, but think about this, many of the dollars that go into the drug trade are "washed" or laundered through totally legit channels. Unicef, good will, your shady uncle who just showed up with a bunch of presents for Christmas that one year all thanks to your local drug lord. Also, how would the Catholic church survive without the "guilt" offerings/donations they receive from Mexican drug lords each year.

So to my sexual entrepreneurs offering “body on body massages” in the privacy of your rented motel room i.e. “headquarters” raise your head high. To imjustdoingthistillimfamous@verizon.net or Craigslist Reply jnck-99872938@craigslist.org ... I'll miss you. So what a few serial killers came in and messed up the whole gig. I know the erotic section on Craigslist started as a marketplace for freedom. We can’t let them take this site down, doing so means that we let the terrorist win. Just know we’re all out their fighting for your right to live the American dream. 

LB

Antoine Dodson... RS

I'm going to do a little bit a lazy blogging.  This is too good not to post..  I have no comments on this other than...

WHAT THE FUCK???????? 




and don't forget to check out  The Remix???????


RS

In My Previous LIfe... RS

In my previous life I was a professional puppy kicker… Yes, that’s right. You heard me…. A professional puppy kicker!!! I went around kicking the shit out of puppies for a living. Puppies with big brown eyes and sad faces. Puppies that only wanted to be loved and cared for. Puppies that would fetch the paper for you, bring you your slippers and cuddle up close to you at night only asking for food and love in return. And what’s worse… is that I was contracted to do it. I took money for kicking the shit out of these poor defenseless little animals…


I have no evidence to support any of my previous statements with other than my current position in life. Kicking puppies in a former life is the only way I can explain the pure shittiness of my life’s situation as a whole… Damn it… I knew I should have been an exterminator… People hate roaches…

Fuck…

RS

Single-Minded... LB

It’s no surprise I am single. I manage to mention that fact in almost every blog post. Today is no different. However, what is different is the way I have begun to categorize men in my head.

Yesterday morning, I met a new neighbor in my apt complex. We exchanged quick hellos as we walked to our respective cars. I did not size him up for cuteness, respectfulness, intelligence, etc. I put him into the only two categories that mean anything to me at this moment.

Can lift heavy furniture/Cannot lift heavy furniture.

He not only fit in the “Can lift heavy furniture” category, but as we walked to the parking garage I noticed that he owns a pickup truck.

I don't think this is too soon to say, I think I love him.
 
LB

Boy meets tampon… LB

It was 11:00pm on a Saturday night, I was home watching DVR’d shows from HGTV when I decided to take a joy ride out to Walmart for random non-essential items. It was right before midnight, when I spotted this sexy man walking in my direction. It was magical.

1. He was cute
2. He was just as lame as I am, because he’s shopping at Walmart in the middle of the night and it’s not for condoms
3. He actually made eye contact and did not turn in the other direction.

All things considered, I realized, he could be the one! As he walks closer, we exchange more flirty glances. A millisecond later my newly created fantasy slowly began to crumble. We both locked gazes, not at each other, but at the econo-sized box of tampons I was holding in my hand. At that moment, the look on his face changed, as though he was “reassessing” the situation and he walked by me. As I stood there in the feminine hygiene aisle of my local super walmart, at midnight, holding an econo-sized box of tampons watching the man of my dreams push his cart right out of my life, I thought of only one person.

At approximately 12:10am on a Sat night I texted RS one short message. It stated, “I realized tonight, my long standing vow of celibacy is no longer self-imposed”

If my vagina were an ATM giving out million dollar bills, there wouldn’t be a sole person in the world willing to make a withdrawl. I’m not sure when this became true. I’m sure one could approximate a date by simply reading through previous posts on this site.

LB

Island Folks... RS

I was recently in the Bahamas on vacation. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than heading down there for a week of fun in the sun and relaxation. However, since a majority of my family is from the island it is inevitable that I end up having to spend time helping someone family member or family friend out with something that I would just rather not bother with... but such is life…


About three days in it happened. I was forced to go through the very painful process of helping a 60 year old man load his personal contacts in Google. Now they will automatically be stored for his use from any location around the world and they will easily download into the new cell phone that he has been eyeing for some time now. Hooray for me. I explained to him that it’s safe and easy and now he won't have to worry about losing the giant book of numbers he has been carrying around for over 30 years.

The conversation went as follows…

Me: Don't worry about anything. This is safe. Your info is backed up and if you ever get that phone you won’t have to put each number in. They will just load for you.

Family Friend: But what if I get the phone and later it breaks? Then I will lose everything.

Me: Even if that happens the contact will be saved on the internet so you will still have them on the computer.

Family Friend: But what if the computer breaks? That I will have nothing!

Me: That’s the beauty of this. The info will still be on the internet and you can access it from anywhere. So there is nothing to worry about.

Family Friend: But what if the internet breaks or crashes?

Don’t laugh people! This is a reasonable question for a 60 year old man who has spent most of his life on a small island in the Southern most part of the North Atlantic. However, my daughter, who is an inner city kid with a bad attitude and a quick tongue much like her old man, did not see it this way. She then felt the need to make her own observations on this topic.

Daughter: (while laughing uncontrollably and nearly falling to the floor unable to breathe) The internet isn't going to end. What are you talking about? That doesn’t even make sense. (Continued Laughter)

Crushed, embarrassed and ashamed... my poor old family friend left the room defeated and no longer interested in this new technology or the phone that he had his eye on. It was sad to watch him leave the room in defeat at the hands of a child. I wanted to scold my little girl for her words and her lack of sensitivity... but I was too busy trying to stop myself from laughing…

I aint shit!

RS

Lent is now over… RS

…And as a result, I can now go back to being an angry, miserable bastard. Many of you who read this blog may recall that I told my mother that I was going to give up acting as such (http://deuxlosers.blogspot.com/2010/02/40-days-of-lent-rs.html)…

We’ll despite the naysayers, I did just that. I was a wonderful man for 40 days….

But now that Lent is over… the first thing I did when I came in this morning is to tell my office counterpart (who wanted to talk about the NCAA Brackets of which I have been out since round one) that I wasn’t in the mood to hear any of his shit! Fuck him…. This verbal lashing was made even better not 15 seconds later when another officemate came and wanted to talk Redskins… I was all over that one… leaving the first guy sad and confused.

While that was minimum… its only noon. There will be more miserable bastardness to come… this is promise!!!

RS