I'm going to do a little bit a lazy blogging. This is too good not to post.. I have no comments on this other than...
WHAT THE FUCK????????
and don't forget to check out The Remix???????
RS
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
In My Previous LIfe... RS
In my previous life I was a professional puppy kicker… Yes, that’s right. You heard me…. A professional puppy kicker!!! I went around kicking the shit out of puppies for a living. Puppies with big brown eyes and sad faces. Puppies that only wanted to be loved and cared for. Puppies that would fetch the paper for you, bring you your slippers and cuddle up close to you at night only asking for food and love in return. And what’s worse… is that I was contracted to do it. I took money for kicking the shit out of these poor defenseless little animals…
I have no evidence to support any of my previous statements with other than my current position in life. Kicking puppies in a former life is the only way I can explain the pure shittiness of my life’s situation as a whole… Damn it… I knew I should have been an exterminator… People hate roaches…
Fuck…
RS
I have no evidence to support any of my previous statements with other than my current position in life. Kicking puppies in a former life is the only way I can explain the pure shittiness of my life’s situation as a whole… Damn it… I knew I should have been an exterminator… People hate roaches…
Fuck…
RS
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Single-Minded... LB
It’s no surprise I am single. I manage to mention that fact in almost every blog post. Today is no different. However, what is different is the way I have begun to categorize men in my head.
Yesterday morning, I met a new neighbor in my apt complex. We exchanged quick hellos as we walked to our respective cars. I did not size him up for cuteness, respectfulness, intelligence, etc. I put him into the only two categories that mean anything to me at this moment.
Can lift heavy furniture/Cannot lift heavy furniture.
He not only fit in the “Can lift heavy furniture” category, but as we walked to the parking garage I noticed that he owns a pickup truck.
I don't think this is too soon to say, I think I love him.
LB
Yesterday morning, I met a new neighbor in my apt complex. We exchanged quick hellos as we walked to our respective cars. I did not size him up for cuteness, respectfulness, intelligence, etc. I put him into the only two categories that mean anything to me at this moment.
Can lift heavy furniture/Cannot lift heavy furniture.
He not only fit in the “Can lift heavy furniture” category, but as we walked to the parking garage I noticed that he owns a pickup truck.
I don't think this is too soon to say, I think I love him.
LB
Monday, August 9, 2010
Boy meets tampon… LB
It was 11:00pm on a Saturday night, I was home watching DVR’d shows from HGTV when I decided to take a joy ride out to Walmart for random non-essential items. It was right before midnight, when I spotted this sexy man walking in my direction. It was magical.
1. He was cute
2. He was just as lame as I am, because he’s shopping at Walmart in the middle of the night and it’s not for condoms
3. He actually made eye contact and did not turn in the other direction.
All things considered, I realized, he could be the one! As he walks closer, we exchange more flirty glances. A millisecond later my newly created fantasy slowly began to crumble. We both locked gazes, not at each other, but at the econo-sized box of tampons I was holding in my hand. At that moment, the look on his face changed, as though he was “reassessing” the situation and he walked by me. As I stood there in the feminine hygiene aisle of my local super walmart, at midnight, holding an econo-sized box of tampons watching the man of my dreams push his cart right out of my life, I thought of only one person.
At approximately 12:10am on a Sat night I texted RS one short message. It stated, “I realized tonight, my long standing vow of celibacy is no longer self-imposed”
If my vagina were an ATM giving out million dollar bills, there wouldn’t be a sole person in the world willing to make a withdrawl. I’m not sure when this became true. I’m sure one could approximate a date by simply reading through previous posts on this site.
LB
1. He was cute
2. He was just as lame as I am, because he’s shopping at Walmart in the middle of the night and it’s not for condoms
3. He actually made eye contact and did not turn in the other direction.
All things considered, I realized, he could be the one! As he walks closer, we exchange more flirty glances. A millisecond later my newly created fantasy slowly began to crumble. We both locked gazes, not at each other, but at the econo-sized box of tampons I was holding in my hand. At that moment, the look on his face changed, as though he was “reassessing” the situation and he walked by me. As I stood there in the feminine hygiene aisle of my local super walmart, at midnight, holding an econo-sized box of tampons watching the man of my dreams push his cart right out of my life, I thought of only one person.
At approximately 12:10am on a Sat night I texted RS one short message. It stated, “I realized tonight, my long standing vow of celibacy is no longer self-imposed”
If my vagina were an ATM giving out million dollar bills, there wouldn’t be a sole person in the world willing to make a withdrawl. I’m not sure when this became true. I’m sure one could approximate a date by simply reading through previous posts on this site.
LB
Island Folks... RS
I was recently in the Bahamas on vacation. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than heading down there for a week of fun in the sun and relaxation. However, since a majority of my family is from the island it is inevitable that I end up having to spend time helping someone family member or family friend out with something that I would just rather not bother with... but such is life…
About three days in it happened. I was forced to go through the very painful process of helping a 60 year old man load his personal contacts in Google. Now they will automatically be stored for his use from any location around the world and they will easily download into the new cell phone that he has been eyeing for some time now. Hooray for me. I explained to him that it’s safe and easy and now he won't have to worry about losing the giant book of numbers he has been carrying around for over 30 years.
The conversation went as follows…
Me: Don't worry about anything. This is safe. Your info is backed up and if you ever get that phone you won’t have to put each number in. They will just load for you.
Family Friend: But what if I get the phone and later it breaks? Then I will lose everything.
Me: Even if that happens the contact will be saved on the internet so you will still have them on the computer.
Family Friend: But what if the computer breaks? That I will have nothing!
Me: That’s the beauty of this. The info will still be on the internet and you can access it from anywhere. So there is nothing to worry about.
Family Friend: But what if the internet breaks or crashes?
Don’t laugh people! This is a reasonable question for a 60 year old man who has spent most of his life on a small island in the Southern most part of the North Atlantic. However, my daughter, who is an inner city kid with a bad attitude and a quick tongue much like her old man, did not see it this way. She then felt the need to make her own observations on this topic.
Daughter: (while laughing uncontrollably and nearly falling to the floor unable to breathe) The internet isn't going to end. What are you talking about? That doesn’t even make sense. (Continued Laughter)
Crushed, embarrassed and ashamed... my poor old family friend left the room defeated and no longer interested in this new technology or the phone that he had his eye on. It was sad to watch him leave the room in defeat at the hands of a child. I wanted to scold my little girl for her words and her lack of sensitivity... but I was too busy trying to stop myself from laughing…
I aint shit!
RS
About three days in it happened. I was forced to go through the very painful process of helping a 60 year old man load his personal contacts in Google. Now they will automatically be stored for his use from any location around the world and they will easily download into the new cell phone that he has been eyeing for some time now. Hooray for me. I explained to him that it’s safe and easy and now he won't have to worry about losing the giant book of numbers he has been carrying around for over 30 years.
The conversation went as follows…
Me: Don't worry about anything. This is safe. Your info is backed up and if you ever get that phone you won’t have to put each number in. They will just load for you.
Family Friend: But what if I get the phone and later it breaks? Then I will lose everything.
Me: Even if that happens the contact will be saved on the internet so you will still have them on the computer.
Family Friend: But what if the computer breaks? That I will have nothing!
Me: That’s the beauty of this. The info will still be on the internet and you can access it from anywhere. So there is nothing to worry about.
Family Friend: But what if the internet breaks or crashes?
Don’t laugh people! This is a reasonable question for a 60 year old man who has spent most of his life on a small island in the Southern most part of the North Atlantic. However, my daughter, who is an inner city kid with a bad attitude and a quick tongue much like her old man, did not see it this way. She then felt the need to make her own observations on this topic.
Daughter: (while laughing uncontrollably and nearly falling to the floor unable to breathe) The internet isn't going to end. What are you talking about? That doesn’t even make sense. (Continued Laughter)
Crushed, embarrassed and ashamed... my poor old family friend left the room defeated and no longer interested in this new technology or the phone that he had his eye on. It was sad to watch him leave the room in defeat at the hands of a child. I wanted to scold my little girl for her words and her lack of sensitivity... but I was too busy trying to stop myself from laughing…
I aint shit!
RS
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
