It was 11:00pm on a Saturday night, I was home watching DVR’d shows from HGTV when I decided to take a joy ride out to Walmart for random non-essential items. It was right before midnight, when I spotted this sexy man walking in my direction. It was magical.
1. He was cute
2. He was just as lame as I am, because he’s shopping at Walmart in the middle of the night and it’s not for condoms
3. He actually made eye contact and did not turn in the other direction.
All things considered, I realized, he could be the one! As he walks closer, we exchange more flirty glances. A millisecond later my newly created fantasy slowly began to crumble. We both locked gazes, not at each other, but at the econo-sized box of tampons I was holding in my hand. At that moment, the look on his face changed, as though he was “reassessing” the situation and he walked by me. As I stood there in the feminine hygiene aisle of my local super walmart, at midnight, holding an econo-sized box of tampons watching the man of my dreams push his cart right out of my life, I thought of only one person.
At approximately 12:10am on a Sat night I texted RS one short message. It stated, “I realized tonight, my long standing vow of celibacy is no longer self-imposed”
If my vagina were an ATM giving out million dollar bills, there wouldn’t be a sole person in the world willing to make a withdrawl. I’m not sure when this became true. I’m sure one could approximate a date by simply reading through previous posts on this site.
LB
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