Insomnia... RS

Unfortunately for me I have battled with insomnia for the better part of the last 10 years.  If you have the grave misfortune of dealing with such a plight then I greive for you because dealing with it has been the bane of my existance.  I can only speculate as to how and why it began but the reasoning behind it is simply irrelevant.  The painful experince is far more importnat than the reasoning...

Insomnia is a cyclical experince, meaning that when that mother fucker shows up it hangs around for a few weeks... maybe a few months and then leaves only to return to fight anonther day.  I'm currently in one of those horrible cycles and I'm catching about 2-3 hours of sleep a night.

Recently, in an attmpt to battle this horrid demond I turned to the mythical treatment of... Counting sheep.  Yes....  I tried couting sheep.  Lots of sheep...

I sat in a field alone in an old wooden rocking chair slowly rocking back and forth and stroking my beard.  One after another the little white sheep slowly trootted in front of me before leaping into the air over a low wooden fence.  Their agility was quite shocking to tell you the truth and the process of couting them was actually somewhat soothing at first.   I was quickly lulled into a sense of peace and sleepiness...

Hours later and nearly 4,500 sheep counted, I found myself still wide awake and far more angry and frustrated than I was when I started counting.

4497, 4498, 4499... and after that I could take no more.  The 4500th sheep move quickly toward the fence.  I leand forward in my chair.  As it approcached the fence for its ballet like leap... I struck...  Like hungry lion rushing atelope I charged...  As the sheeps hoved feet left the ground I aslo leaped in the air chatching him in stride and driving him into the groud like Ray Lewis snatching some fool running back out of the air as he tried to dive for the end zone.

Despite catching him completely off gaurd the sheep was suprisingly quick and agile.  He was back up to his feet in no time.  I barrell rolled over and qucikly jumped up to my feet.  But before I could steady myself the sheep caught me with a sharp right hoof to my left eye.  I stumbled back a step or two to regain focus.  It was then that I realized he was standing vertically on his back legs with his two front hooves held up in boxer like fashion.  I was stunned.  He caught with me another short right and a left cross before I could defend myself.  He clearly saw my confusion.  It made no sense to me that I had just gotten punched in the face by a sheep and he was taking advantage of my awestrucked stature.  That alone was enough for him to get in a few good shots before I could counter.

His hooves where lightning quick and right away I knew I was out matched in the standing game.  My only hope was to untilize my wrestling background and take this sheep to the ground.  As he drew back to throw another hoof I changed levels and dropped down to his legs.  I hooked both my arms around the back of his cavles and drove upward lifting him into the air before driving him into the ground with a text book double leg takedown.  Once he hit the grass I qucikly I attacked him with vicious ground and pound.  I reigned down elbows and forearms on his snout.  With him on his back he was clearly out of his element.  I dominated him on the ground as he worked to scramble from underneath of me.  My overconfidence in this position however got the best of me when I went for a choke hold.   The slickness of his coat mixed wit the morning due of the meadow made it difficult for me to get a firm grip on him and he rolled out of my grasp and jumped back up to his feet.  This sheep was experienced.

As he rose I rushed him again.  He set up quickly and was ready to throw another punch.  However, I could see the disorientation in his eyes.  My guess is that he never fought a wrestler before and had never spent any time on his back.  Clearly he wanted no part of my ground game.  I knew he was more confident standing so I had to play this one smart.  I engageded him quickly looking to lockup with him.  I figured I could out muscle him. Speed and agility were on his side but I knew it was unlikely that he spent any time in the weight room.  I intentionally telegraphed my forward movement trying to goat him (or should I say sheep him) into throwing an ill advised punch.  He did.  As I moved forward he set up to drop me with a powerful right cross.  I changed levels again to avoid the strike.  His hoof flew over my head and as I came back up I saw my opening.  I slid a half step to my left creating enough space for me to deleiver a killer left hook.  He never saw it coming.  I caught him flush behind the ear.  He was out as soon as I connected.  A splilt second later he was on the ground laying face down in the soft meadow.

I jumped up and raised my hands in victory like I had just knocked out Rampage Jackson.  The championship was mine....  But then I made a few horrible realizations...

1.  The sheep that I just knocked out was getting some sleep right now.  The whole purpose of this exercise in couting sheep was for ME to get some sleep.  Now I'm standing in some field in some unknown location having just battled a sheep... and I'm still awake...

But perhaps more importantly...

2.  I'm all by myself standing in this field in some unknown location surrounded by 4,499 angry sheep hell bent on getting some revenge for their fallen brother...

I turned to them... balled up my fist... and got ready.  These sheep are going down!  There would be no sleep that night...

RS