The Painfully Obvious… RS

This blog is going to be horrible… but I’m putting it out there anyway…

In this current economy I am certainly just as happy as the next guy to have a job.  Unemployment is nearly 10% and I’m the first one to admit that I’m no one special.  I could be gone tomorrow and no one would even notice.  I mean the last thing I want is to see my little girl wearing tattered and torn up clothing while standing in line at the soup kitchen because Daddy ain’t shit. 

But just because I’m thankful to have my job doesn’t mean that I like this shit so I’m always on the lookout for something new.  Yesterday morning I got reacquainted with an old associate who works in Human Resources for a company that I would have some interest in if given the opportunity.  The best part is that this individual reached out to me…  That’s always a plus!

I told him what I do, what my strengths are, what I like to do and what I think I think I would be best at.  I even explained to him the facets of my current job that make me unhappy.

After a 30 minute conversation, this fool came back with… “Well the first thing you need to do is updated your resume…”

SLAM ON THE BREAKS!!!!!  THROW THAT SHIT IN REVERSE!!!!!  BACK THE FUCK UP!!!!!

After thirty minutes of conversation this clown comes back with updated your resume!  He has not even seen my resume yet and he suggests that I need to update it already… which means one thing to me…  This fool is a talking head with simple talking points.   He probably wasn’t even listening to me.  And what’s worst?  That was pretty much the end of the conversation.  He didn’t have much more for me.  Why did you even bother to reach out to me with that shit?

While it may make since that my resume may need tweaking for certain jobs… how stupid is that response really?  If you are looking for a job of course you need to update your resume.   How about some suggestion on how?  How about a few suggestions on what I might need to focus on and who I might want to talk to…  No…?  That all you got man?  Nothing more?

That got me thinking about other painfully obvious stupid shit idiots could say to you in your time of need.   Below I have compiled a small list.

Statement:  I’m fat and sloppy.  Help!

Response:  Hmmm… Maybe you should workout…

Rebuttal:  Great!!!  How about a workout plan?  Maybe show me a thing or two in the gym?  No…?  That’s cool.  I’ll just workout.  I’ll be over at the bench press trying to hurt myself if you need me.

Statement:  I’m in middle of the desert and I’m dying of heat exhaustion and starvation.  Help!

Response:  Hmmmm…  You should probably try to cool off and get something to eat and drink.

Rebuttal:  Great!!!!  Perhaps your dumb ass could point me to a cactus to suck water from or perhaps a recently dead camel that I could tear the flesh from and eat while sucking the humps dry…  Seen any trees I could stand under for shade?  No…?  Oh don’t worry about then.  I’ll just hold my hand over my face and drink my own sweat.  After that I’ll eat one of my own fingers.

Statement:  Hey, I’m drowning over here.  Help…

Response:  Hmmmm…  Maybe you should get out of the water.

Rebuttal:  Good call dick!  Any idea of how I might do that seeing as how I’m fucking drowning over here.  Maybe you could toss me a life preserver or even a tree branch.  No…?  Ok, no big deal then.  I’ll just try to get out of this water that I’m drowning in.  While I do that could you please grab my towel?  No…?  Don’t worry about it then.

Statement:  Yo, I’m trapped underneath of this car.

Response:  Wow.  You should probably try to get from underneath of that thing.  Man that shit looks heavy. 

Rebuttal:  Good idea.  I think I’ll try to get from underneath of this car…

Now you know that last rebuttal was as fuckin stupid as the response.  So my question is when you tell me to update my resume what should my response actually be?

Response:  Ahhh… Good idea.  I will update it.  I will change the date ahhhh…..

I’m reminded of a scene in John Milton’s Paradise Lost.  In the opening sceen Satan is trapped in the fires of Hell for 10,000 years after being defeated by God.  He cries out to his right hand man (whose name I forget) that he wants out.  To which his friend replies “We’ll let’s get outta here.”  Then they get up and leave.  You mean after 10,000 years you didn’t think to just try to get up and bounce?

Foolishness!!!!

Am I being too obtuse here people?  Please let me know.  Drop me some comments.  Maybe I’m out of line but isn’t all that shit painfully obvious?

RS