One Man Doing the Manly Things That Men Do… RS

I recently had a conversation with a very dear female friend of mine (who may or may not contribute to this blog and whose initials may or may not be LB) about the things that women do that they consider womanly vs. the shit that men do that we consider MANLY!! She went on for about 10 minutes and I can tell you this for certain… I didn’t pay one bit of attention to anything she said after lip gloss. Not one word… But she did get me thinking about man stuff so when she finally shut up I went into a long monologue about one of my average days as a MANLY MAN…

I get up and go to work like most average men. I hate that shit like most average men and then I leave at EOD like most average men. It’s when I get home that my need to act in MANLY ways comes into play… So I rolled up in the drive way, got out of the car and found myself bored out of my mind. I walked into my garage, took inventory of my surroundings, formulated a plan and then built a motorcycle from scratch. That’s right, built a motorcycle!!! From scratch!!! Not a dirt bike. A motorcycle! With minimal supplies and basically out of scrap metal just sitting in my garage from the day I tore apart that Ford F150 because I didn’t like its paint job. I didn’t even have any tools. I just bent mental into shape with my bare hands and fused it together with brute strength, the way that real men do. When I was done I threw it on my back and jogged to the gas station to fill it up with Diesel fuel. Then I hopped on the bike and road it to the gym.

When I got to the gym I wasn’t tried but was short on time after having to fuse the steal together with raw strength, so I decided that I wasn’t going to push myself too hard or too long. So I decided to Bench… because that’s what men do. So I loaded up the bar with 225lbs and benched for a half an hour straight. I didn’t even take any breaks. I hit like 400 reps, racked that shit and just walked out of the gym without saying anything to anyone… like real men do.

When I got out side I saw some Average Joe admiring my bike. So I tossed his bitch ass the keys and gave him the bike. My kindness was for two very selfish reasons. One, maybe it would help him be more manly and two, because I might need something to do tomorrow after work and chasing the down the guy who “stole my bike at the gym” and beating him savagely without any evidence of mercy or remorse was just as good as any thing else I could have come up with to do.

Then I ran home… wait… sprinted home… at full speed. It was like a five mile run. When I got home I wasn’t sweating or even tired… but I was starving. So I sprinted a few miles father and found a cow pasture, where I attacked and killed a cow before ripping out handfuls of flesh from it side and swallowing it whole. I didn’t even chew it. I didn’t need to… because I’m a MAN… and chewing raw steak is not what REAL MEN do…

After my meal I returned home and showered. I was well fed, got my workout in, got a ride in and was clean. But something was missing… Ahhh, I know. So I walked into the back yard, picked up my Axe and chopped wood… because that’s what men do. They weren’t even my trees. They were the neighbor’s trees. So as a sign off good will I build them a garage out of the wood since technically it was theirs anyway. Hell, I didn’t care. I was tired of seeing there cars anyway. Now they have some place to put them.

After the wood was chopped and the garage was built, I went inside, sat on my couch, put one hand down my pants, used the other to grab the remote… and turned on Football… Because that’s what REAL MEN do… Later that night I pleasured several women but I try not to get into my personal life on this blog.

When I finished my tail of MANLY DEEDS I looked up at my homegirl… who was applying a fresh coat of lips gloss to her already highly glossed lips. Oh well… she’s a woman.

RS