The Cab of Liberation... RS

I was working in NYC for a few days for my job a while back. Usually I like NYC but with the company I was working for at that time it is hardly ever any fun at all. My boss and I had been fighting with each all week and I finally reached the point where I just gave up on whatever issue we were arguing about. He was just an argumentative asshole and always has his comments and dickheadedness. I really fuckin hated that fool with every ounce of my soul… and I mean every fuckin ounce!!!! I called this fool the Cyclops because his dumbass only had one eye. For some reason that was funny to me… if not to others.


So on about day three of the trip I was walking with my team to an appointment after having gotten into it with dumbass again during the previous appointment. I was about 10 feet behind that asshole and one of my counterparts.  They were walking and talking about something and seemed to be loving life.  Meanwhile, I walked behind them pissed off and wishing that something in my life would change. If only I had known what was coming. As they crossed the street he wasn't paying attention… and so it began…

I could see a cab bearing down on him at full speed as they crossed the street. What made it better was the fact that the cab was coming on that mother fuckers blind side!!! HELL YEAH!!!! This shit is about to be over!!!! He’s done for. No way he’s gonna see it in time and there is no way I’m gonna warn his ass that he’s about to get rocked! As the cab bore down on him with me following a good 10-15 ft behind I could actually see his impending death over and over again in my head. I started to get excited like a kid on Christmas. It was like watching a championship basketball game with the score tied in the final seconds of regulation. Imagine Jordan dribbling down the court and taking the last shot with time running out. You know what I’m talking about. The whole arena goes silent as we watch the ball fly towards the basket and wait with the dreaded anticipation of the end result. Life moves in slow motion during these magical moments. Such was my vision of that fool as I waited for his bitch/blind ass to get run down by the Cab of Doom. Or rather, the Cab of Liberation!!! The excitement in my heart bubbled over and I started to cheer as if Jordan's shot had already gone into the basket. I was jumping up and down on 5th Ave as if he had already been crushed. As if the Superbowl was over and my team had won….

But I had underestimated his powers. Remember, this dude is blind in one eye (hence the appropriate name Cyclopes)… which I now know gives him supersonic hearing in the ear on the same side. Which means that at the last moment that mother fucker heard the cab coming, turned his head, and then actually saw it coming.

With less than ten feet to go before my liberation that son of a bitch was able to jump out of the way of the cab. Papers and briefs were thrown in to the air as that fool dove out of the way of the cab managing to avoid death and even injury! Injury!  This mother fucker didn't even get hurt!!!

My feet were already in the air as I jumping for joy as if that clown was already a pancake. But as he escaped certain doom my emotions over flowed. “FUCK!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as my feet returned to the pavement. I quickly feel to my knees and began to pound 5th Ave with my fist in anger and disappointment.

I thought my suffering was about to come to an but I was wrong. He was just fine. A little embarrassed but not even a scratch on him. I picked myself up off the pavement still 15 feet behind him and tried to regain my composure. Then the shame hit me. I was pissed because my asshole boss… HAD NOT BEEN HIT BY A SPEEDING CAB IN NEW YOKR CITY…. What the hell is wrong with me??? Who does that??

I walked to my next appointment a defeated man. Later that night I cried in my hotel room… not because I was ashamed of my actions but because that mother fucker was still alive….

-RS