The Cyclopes and the Can of Fruit Cocktail... RS

I may have mentioned that I used to work for a Cyclopes and that I hated him… yada yada yada…

Well, on day I walked in on that fool stabbing the shit out of a can of fruit cocktail with a pair of scissors. It was the craziest thing I had ever seen and I stopped short of walking all the way in because I was not sure that what I was seeing was actually taking place (that and the fact that I was concerned for my safety). After taking a few minutes to really get an understanding of my surroundings and the situation at hand, I panned the room with my eyes to try and understand why the fuck he would be abusing his lunch. It simply made no sense. Had it done something to him. Was this some crazy Cycloptic ritual that I had to read about in the Odyssey? Then, next to the fruit cocktail on the desk I noticed the broken can opener which I will assume he broke while he was trying to open the can. I can only assume that because there is always the off chance that this idiot broke the can opener with the scissors as part of the Cycloptic. Again, I cannot be sure.

I stood there for about 30 seconds waiting for him to finish while holding in my laugher and trying to understand exactly what I was witnessing... The time continued to pass as I stood there unnoticed as he continued to kill that poor can. Obviously since he only has one eye he didn’t see me standing at the door (too bad he saw that damn cab though…). Sorry, I digress.

After a few moments I finally couldn't take it anymore and I asked him (while laughing profusely...) "What the fuck are you doing...?"

He nearly jumped out of his seat when I made my comment. Embarrassed and angry he responded... "What the fuck does it look like? I'm trying to eat my lunch. Get out of my office! Go away!"

Clearly this dude has issues.... I mean he was stabbing this shit out of this thing like in the movie Psycho. After witnessing the horrid event from hell... I quickly ran back to my side of the office and told everyone that I could find and would listen about what I had just witnessed...

I feel better about my position in life now. Perhaps it is not nearly the dumpster fire that I thought it was…

-RS