LB's driving essentials

If you've ever driven with me... you will know that every word of this is to true.  But for those you who have not had the pleasure of sharing a long drive home with me, below are my sacred beliefs to common driving situations.

1. When driving behind another car.
LB-ism: "Do not stop or slow down until you see the whites of their eyes"

2. Speeding
LB-ism: "If you're doing less than 70 (school zones are not exempt) you might as well be in park.  Go (at least) 70 or go home"

3. Stop Sign/Red Lights
LB-ism: "Do not try and bend the spoon.  That's impossible.  Instead... only realize the truth... There is no spoon!"

4. Double Parkers/Pedestrians who hold conversations on the drivers side of the car.
LB-ism: "They hate their lives and are too incompetent to orchestrate a police-assisted-suicide yet are really looking for someone to put them out of their misery"

5. Spacing between cars/following too closely
LB-ism: "The space between you and the next car should equal the distance of a hug between close friends."

6. Turns
LB-ism:  (I actually picked this up from my grandmother)  "You DO NOT need to slow down to take a turn,sharp curve or exit."

7.  Sudden Stops
LB-ism: "I wouldn't have to do that as often if people knew what they doing."

8. Seatbelts
LB-ism: "I didn't read where it said... and God made seatbelts.  Blunt Force....that's what rib cages were made for, you pansies!"   

9. Car Cleanliness
LB-ism: "My car is dirty - all the time!  I use it as a deterrent to giving out free rides or lending my car to "family" or "friends"